if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
