I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
