So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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