Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sorry about my life...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
