walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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