Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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