thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
