Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
