We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
