i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
