i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
