so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love you.
Bad choice
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