dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There r osticjed everywhere
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
