omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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