I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
