I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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