Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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