I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
