yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
