i think my tv is drunk
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
