Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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