DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
