is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
