I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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