And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
my liver is dry heaving
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
