dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
