What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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