about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were trust falling into bushes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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