I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
