at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
