remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
