Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
