at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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