it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
