Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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