Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
