i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
