I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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