She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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