i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize