She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
