Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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