I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize