you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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