There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
