He uses pillows to masturbate.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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