Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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