I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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