So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize