If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
