I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
