dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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