Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
