My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
