We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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