Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
