You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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