She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
