It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
