I should be sponsored by Trojan
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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