even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
