she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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