trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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