I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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