There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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