why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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