I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
