Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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