I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
