He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
