I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
