morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
