Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
