i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
