so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
