I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
