when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize