I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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