gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
